some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
