He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
tell me about the fingering
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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