apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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