In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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