FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
