my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize