..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
