Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
