I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
