What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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