Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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