wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
