i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize