We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
