if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
