At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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