I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
