is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
