saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
