Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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