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forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
