omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
