I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
