i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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