Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
