You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
