Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
