remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
