I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
