Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
