Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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