are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
