So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
