I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
