I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
