FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I FOUND THE LEGS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
