This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
