I think im going to throw up on grandma
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
