Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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