i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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