Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize