Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
