i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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