my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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