at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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