are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
