my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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