i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
