I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
