How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
