Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
