Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize