This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
