Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Shame is for Republicans.
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