I just made out with a guy for $7.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
