There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
