it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
