Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
