she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm both gender and math confused
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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