i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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