I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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