Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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