this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
