Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
