My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
