hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
