I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
