I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
